Couple sabotaging sex lives with pet names, claim gurus
t 31 2010 by Sam Malone, Wales On Sunday
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Two new self-styled sex gurus claim couples are unwittingly sabotaging their sex lives with their everyday behaviour. Sex self-help rebels MAGGIE ARANA and JULIENNE DAVIS say these simple changes to everyday habits will make you hot for your partner again...
oStop Calling Each Other “Honey”
Stop calling him sweet, androgynous names like “honey” and “sweetie”. Remember that there is sexual potency in using your proper names. Relish the power, importance and sexuality of your names. You can’t force sexual attraction. But if you change the way you address one another, your brain will do the rest without you even realising it.
Don’t allow sex to have a cutesy name either. “Coochie” is not sexy and will not make you hot for one another. Allow the power of calling each other by your names again to wash over you and open the floodgates to your new sexual dialogue.
Take your thoughts back to the beginning, before you got too comfortable with each other and introduced the bad habits. Start from there and enjoy the newness again.
oBanish the Baby Talk
Always use your adult voice when speaking with your partner. Don’t allow yourself the habit of falling into the comfy “little baby voice” tone. Whether you have children or not, there are no excuses. Once one of you starts using the dreaded “mummy” or “daddy”, talk about it, acknowledge it, then throw it away. It’s impossible to retain a sexual relationship with each other and continue this behaviour. Remember your household roles and your child-raising roles have nothing to do with your sexual roles. You are adult sexual beings. Embrace all that you are.
oClose the Bathroom Door
Keep those bathroom necessities to yourself. Intimacy in the bedroom: good. Intimacy in the bathroom: bad. Privacy is king. Don’t embellish things like burping, farting and other audible bodily functions. However “funny” you think it is, it’s not. It’s damaging to your sexual desire to one another. Even the most trivial habits, repeated often enough, can lead to less sexual desire and possible resentment.
oLook into Each Other’s Eyes
Take the time to really look into your partner’s eyes. Allow those moments to let yourselves feel that strong connection between you. Don’t verbalise every thought that crosses your mind during the day and promise not to have endless chatter in the bedroom about the daily chores. Your bedroom is your sanctuary – treat it that way.
Don’t bring a list of “intimacy needs” to bed with you. Don’t dictate to your partner about sex; lead with your body instead. Look into each other’s eyes during sex and have the courage to go where that takes you.
oTalk Dirty...Be Dirty
Use words with your partner that make you feel sexy and maybe even a little smutty. Say what you feel and have fun with it. Get creative and don’t be afraid to be unpredictable.
Don’t let routine take over your sex life.
Get in touch with your primal instincts and embrace your animal side. It’s an important part of your humanity. Set the mood with non-verbal communication and let the words and feelings come naturally.
oArgue More
Don’t be afraid to drive your partner a little crazy. Being annoying can actually turn him on. Don’t dilute your personality just because you are in a relationship.
If you catch yourself saying ‘Whatever you like’ too often, stop right there and speak your mind!
oStay Separate to Stay Together
Explore yourself outside your role in the relationship. Remember to allow yourself the space for “a room of your own” – a place you can be yourself without your partner’s influence.
Always try to bring something new to the table in your relationship – new friends, ideas, activities. This will keep your relationship fresh, help you maintain some mystery, and revive that sexual tension between you.
Don’t be so focused on your new activities you forget you are part of a team. Passion doesn’t mean obsession.
Remember that your partner doesn’t define you. He’s not your “other half” either.
oLove the One You’re With – You
Treat your sexuality like a luscious peach – devour it with abandon. Let your body take over and give your mind a rest.
Be confident in your own nakedness and always sleep naked with your partner.
Be selfish and truthful. Stop trying to please each other at the risk of not pleasing yourself.
Being selfish can save your relationship while being overly selfless can ruin the truthfulness and intimacy between you.
When you truly love yourself your most exciting sexual and life experiences lie in front of you. (wales online.co.uk)
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Stop Calling Him Honey and Start Having Sex, by Maggie Arana and Julienne Davis, is out now
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Five styles of flirting identified
ANI
Washington, November 01, 2010
Washington, November 01, 2010
First Published: 18:54 IST(1/11/2010)
Last Updated: 20:10 IST(1/11/2010)
Last Updated: 20:10 IST(1/11/2010)
Five styles of flirting identified are: physical, traditional, polite, sincere and playful.
Physical flirting involves the expression of sexual interest in a potential partner. People who scored high in this form of flirting often develop relationships quickly, have more sexual chemistry and have a greater emotional connection to their partners.
Traditional flirts think men should make the first move and women should not pursue men. Because they adopt a more passive role in dating, women with this style are likely to report trouble getting men's attention and are less likely to flirt or be flattered by flirting. Traditional men often know a potential partner for a longer time before approaching them. Both genders tend to be introverted and prefer a more intimate dating scene.
The polite style of flirting focuses on proper manners and nonsexual communication. Although they are less likely to approach a potential partner and do not find flirting flattering, they do tend to have meaningful relationships.
Sincere flirting is based on creating emotional connections and communicating sincere interest. Although women tend to score higher in this style, it is advocated by both genders. Relationships involve strong emotional connections and sexual chemistry and are typically meaningful.
People with playful flirting styles often flirt with little interest in a long-term romance. However, they find flirting fun and enhancing to their self-esteem. They are less likely to have important and meaningful relationships.
Hall said that for the most part, there was little difference between genders within each flirting style.
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