Imagine a very rainy day and a house with leaks. You cannot leave, because of the rain outside; you cannot relax, because of the dripping inside. You are very miserable and quickly going crazy, as the rain comes through the roof and ceiling to drip-drip-drip on your nerves and things. So is a woman that likes to argue, nag, question, and prod. This irritating wife takes the blessing of marriage and turns it into torture for her husband.
Long rains are not bad. In fact, they are essential for agricultural prosperity. Extended rain for an agrarian society in a dry climate was a good thing, and the continual drizzle of rain upon a secure house is a pleasant noise that makes for a cozy and secure atmosphere. Therefore, you can understand the continual dropping to be a leak in a house that is very irritating and unnerving, as it steadily destroys a man’s peace and possessions (Pr ).
What is a contentious woman? One that argues, debates, disputes, fights, quarrels, and questions. She is not content, and she cannot let others be content. She pushes, irritates, aggravates, and nags. She has no clue her role is to be a cheerful, submissive helper (Gen ; ; I Cor 11:9). She is the odious woman the world cannot stand (Pr 30:21-23). It is better for a man to live alone in seclusion than with this tormentor (Pr 21:9,19; 25:24).
A continual drip is frustrating, provoking, and destructive. You want to escape the noise, but where can you go? You know it is destroying your sanity and assets, but it will not stop. A nagging woman is similar. You cursed your soul and future by marrying her; now you cannot escape the monster; she eats at your table and sleeps in your bed! If she grants you a ray of sunshine in a weak moment, it quickly ends with the return of rain. If you seek to correct her, you might as well try to reason with a bear robbed of her cubs.
Why are some women so obnoxious? They were born, as fools, with hardly a conscience; they may have had an odious mother; they falsely believe marriage was made for them; a man has never put them in their place. When they read a proverb like this, they have no clue it applies to them. They have more self-righteousness and stubbornness than two Pharisees. If you ask for an explanation, they exclaim, “I am only trying to help. If I did not keep riding him, he would not amount to anything. He needs me to remind him.”
Young man, marry wisely! Being single, frustrated, and lonely is better than marrying this woman. Choose only by the fear of God, for odious women can deceive men into painful marriages (Pr 30:21-23; 31:30). A woman that fears God knows her place (Gen ), obeys her husband (Eph 5:22-24), reverences him (Eph ), ravishes him (Pr ; I Cor 7:1-5), has a meek and quiet spirit (I Pet 3:3-4), and serves him (Pr 31:10-27; Titus 2:3-5). If you marry foolishly, your friends will know it, because you cannot hide her (Pr 27:16). Put dates to the test, and multiply her faults by ten to see her as your wife!
Young woman, you must ignore the lies being spread today about the role of the woman. God has already settled this matter, regardless of what Joel Osteen, Madonna, or James Dobson might say. You were made for your husband (I Cor 11:9), and his desires are to be your desires (Gen ). Marriage is not a partnership, where you have an equal say in matters. Learn the beauty of a truly gracious woman and secure the perpetual adoration that all good men, women, and her family will have for her (Pr ; 31:28-31).
Troubled man, if you are already snared in a torturous marriage to such a woman, your choices are limited. You must labor by prayer, example, and exhortation to bring her to fear the Lord (Ps 34:11; I Cor ). You must get her in a Bible-preaching church, where the whole counsel of God is taught, including the role of the woman, by a man of God who will do some of your dirty work for you (Acts ,27). And then you must wisely, kindly, and forcefully bring the word of God to bear on your wife in your home.
Fathers, you must save your naïve and hormone-blinded sons from pursuing a jewel of gold and missing the smelly pig wearing it (Pr ). Probe and test their dates; spend time with their mothers. As an experienced husband, you can easily smell the stench of a contentious spirit. Ignore his foolish and lovesick comments about her virtues, because he does not have a clue about her or marriage; she has likely deceived him (Pr 30:21-23; 31:30). Settle for nothing less than a woman who independently fears God from her heart and is gracious to the praise of all. Such women are extremely rare, but there are some.
Mothers, it is your duty to teach your daughters to be the godly, gracious, submissive, and reverent wives the Lord expects them to become (Titus 2:3-5). You can teach the traits of a gracious woman by example and instruction. Teach them to love from their hearts, cut their words in half, compliment rather than criticize, serve rather than sauce, agree rather than argue, submit rather than fight, smile rather than sneer, romance rather than withdraw, clean rather than shop, work rather than nag, praise rather than correct, thank rather than complain, kiss rather than cry, and forget rather than avenge.
Contentious woman, confess your sin to God, your husband, and anyone else knowing your stubborn and insubordinate spirit. The Lord is merciful, and so is your husband, if you will go meekly in repentance. You are violating the role God gave you, and you will never be happy, if you continue in a devilish course of contention. Your greatest joy will only be realized by getting closer and closer to the virtuous woman (Pr ; 31:10-31).
The terrible Day of Judgment is coming (Eccl ; II Cor 5:9; Rev 20:11-15), and you should think about how you will answer God for ruining the life of your husband, whom you were created to help and make happy. Your earthly purpose for existence is your husband, and God will not care that you have not done drugs or worshipped idols. He will take an account of how well you treated your man, and the consequences will be severe.
One of the greatest testimonies to Christianity, which is lacking today, are functional, happy homes, where the husband is king, and his wife is a charming, gracious, and submissive queen. It is nagging, contentious, and insubordinate wives that cause the word of God to be blasphemed, for even pagans know that a wife ought to support and serve her husband, not nag him into despair and grief (Titus 2:5; I Tim ; Esther 1:16-20). Let women that do know their God condemn the world and glorify the truth.