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10 Secrets to a Marriage That Lasts 40 Plus Years

Written by Guest Post Writer: Doris T.

Having just celebrated a milestone anniversary should make this list an easy one.  To say every marriage that lasts for forty plus years was made in heaven would be a stretch of the truth I would venture to say.  That is the ideal for sure, but often when opposites attract it takes some work to make it last which is the ultimate goal.  As for rules that make for a happy marriage, they could vary from one couple to another.  However, there are some basics that are a common denominator to any marriage that lasts.

1. Having a long engagement, giving young people time to actually become friends is a great start.  Then having the blessing of both sets of parents gives the couple extra support and strength to start building their life.
2. Premarital counseling is a must for young people.  Usually during counseling subjects are brought up that may not be discussed by the couple otherwise.
3. Dave Ramsey has a Financial Peace University which is generally given in a group setting.  This is a MUST for young people to avoid the financial pitfalls that is said to the #1 cause for the break-up of marriages
4. I am old fashioned in my approach, and by stating that fact is not meant to be an apology.  A family that prays together stays together, so having a church family whose beliefs are similar, will make for a community of friends that also helps undergird the bonds of marriage.
5. In many churches, there is a pastoral staff that includes counselors.  Feeling the freedom to seek counseling when an issue arises that seems too big for the couple to handle, will also strengthen both the wife and husband who is willing to work through differences that are sure to come.
6. When asked about how they had managed to stay married for 50 years, the husband said, “We don’t argue”.  The next question was how they managed that, “I just walk away”, he said with a twinkle in his eye.  Whether serious or not, walking away can be very frustrating to the one who wants to talk it out.
7. A subject that is surfacing today may not be unique, but it is a great one to start from the beginning of a marriage and continue.  In the beginning of a marriage, there are only the two of you.  There will be a time when the two of you will face each other across the table, the house empty of children’s voices, and those who have worked toward this time will not see a stranger looking back at them.  I suggest planning a date night while the children are small, and continuing it.  Having “me” time or better “us” time will also show by example to your children how important it is to stay in touch as a couple.  Life happens, and  often life gets in the way of a courtship that should continue into the years when the honeymoon is over.
8. Make a conscious effort to compliment your mate daily.  Men need to hear they are a good provider or they are good in bed, a good father, etc. etc..  The same goes with women.  We do not always feel pretty, but one thing for sure, we need to hear we are loved regardless of how life and age have treated us.
9. I heard a story once, of a daughter-in-law who was mad at her husband’s mother for something trivial.  In telling her husband, thinking he would take her side, the wise husband spoke up and said these words.  “Honey, I love you.   I also love my Mother.  She will never come between us.  However I will not listen to you bad mouth her.  You may have issues, but I will never take sides with either of you.”  At that the young wife learned the power of the love of a Mother and son, which she can hope her sons will have when the situation is one day reversed.
10. Never, but never mention the word Divorce.  Couples have witnessed the decline in their marriage once the word is spoken.  It seems to gravitate toward a separation and often cannot be put back together.  Don’t let divorce be an option.  There is always help out of anger.  I can also add, don’t bring up the past of your mate.  These are areas that should be worked through during the dating years.  Once the vows are said, the past should remain in the past.  Any issues should stay in the past where they belong.

There is something special about having lived with someone for many years, and being able to share a past with all its memories.  If there were difficult times, they somehow seem to fade as years pass, and the good years surface giving a man and wife memories to live on in the golden years when health and age seems to ravage the body.  Especially when there are more years behind than there are years ahead, reminiscing is a golden past time that makes the long and lonely days seem to go faster.

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