LOS ANGELES, (The Global Edition) – Mark Williams, a 37-year-old man who spent the last ten years lying in a coma at the Metropolitan State Hospital, finally woke up yesterday and was very surprised to learn that Lindsay Lohan has been arrested, local media reports.
“I’m shocked. I can’t believe she got arrested. There must be some kind of mistake, she was always a really sweet girl,” Mr. Williams said. “She wouldn’t punch a psychic in a face, not sweet little Lindsey. Tabloids are making stuff up again,” the ex-coma patient added.
The medical staff at the Metropolitan State Hospital tried explaining to Mr. Williams that Lohan’s latest arrest isn’t big news and that everybody was expecting that kind of behavior from her, but the former coma patient refused to accept such horrible information about the “cute little star from The Parent Trap”.
While being briefed on the biggest events that have occurred during the last decade he spent in a coma, Mr. Williams said that more than an African-American being elected president, the 9/11 scandal, and Saddam Hussein’s capture, he can’t believe he missed out on the whole “crazy Britney Spears coked up bald period.”