TOP 10 BACKPACKING DESTINATIONS FOR 2013

Make 2013 the year you get off your ass and visit 10 places you’ve never seen!

Before you render yourself useless by putting on the annual winter fat suit made entirely of holiday hams and snickerdoodles, and cloud your mind with eggnog, and little bottles of schnapps, plan a kick ass trip to start the year off right with our brand new list of destinations for 2013.

SINTRA, PORTUGAL

HOMIEST

No matter how rugged you are, or how well you can hold your ground with the gravity bong, everyone loves little colorful houses and rolling hills. Sintra is a short train ride from the big city action of Lisbon and upon arrival, you get a face full of house. A homey sort of town, this place is filled with restaurants run by the Portuguese version of your mom. To work off the inevitable sluggishness brought on by the consumption of heavy traditional dishes, you can hike it up to any of the city's five massive palaces. If you've only got enough energy for one, hit up Quinta da Regaleira, a five story behemoth with gargoyles, pointy pinnacles, a sprawling park with tunnels, lakes, fountains and Heff-approved grottoes.

BORACAY

BEST WATER SPORTS

So you like water sports and you like 'em cheap and all in one place? Whichever way you prefer to aqua clog your nostrils, Boracay's the spot to do it. A one-hour flight from Manila, Boracay has all the right moves to tempt you into permanent island residency and for prices that won’t put your speedo in a knot. On Bulabog Beach, you can partake in kiteboarding, coral reef snorkeling, jet-skiing, and scuba diving of the highest caliber for pennies. To sail past the tourist crowds, hop on a paraw (Filipino sailboat) and explore the more secluded beaches and waterways.

OTP Tip: Boracay has this bat cave. It's filled with bats, slippery guano (bat shit), and water snakes. It's a fun-filled adventure disguised as a smelly death wish.

UKRAINE

LIKE RUSSIA BUT BETTER

If you've ever wanted to visit mother Russia but pussied out because of the cold or the price tag, Ukraine, the largest country in Europe, is a vodka-drunken happy medium. No high-rolling, $50 fancy-drink drinking, rolex-sportin' here! From Kyiv to Odessa, the Black Sea to the gypsy-laden Carpathian mountains, Ukraine will jam spoonfuls and shot glasses of culture down your throat until you're bursting with post-Soviet flavor. If you need a bit more convincing before you pack up your furs and head to snot-freeze territory, consider kaZantip, an annual pop-up party republic along the Crimean peninsula where the civic duty of citiZens is to have a fucking great time, with or without pants.

CAPPADOCIA, TURKEY

MOST UNIQUE LANDSCAPE

Most backpackers consume Istanbul as the main course and treat the rest of Turkey like leftovers. Cappadocia deserves it's own dedicated visit if only for the insane landscape. The vertical rocks that spring up from every crevice were created by a triad of volcanoes and molded by centuries of windy and watery chiseling. Making do with what they had, people here carved their homes into the litter of boulders. You can float around on a hot air balloon, check out the painted churches at the open air museum, or hit the carpet market to guzzle down some tea and feel all sultan-like.

BHUTAN

MOST SPIRITUAL

If you can't decide between China and India, pull a fast one on yourself and go to Bhutan instead. A trip to feed your soul, Bhutan is a spiritual and culturally rich experience from the get go. At the Tiger's Nest Monastery, tiny ornate buildings are nestled between the dangerously steep rocks and gushing mountain streams. You will be forced to find inner peace to maintain your balance. Thimpu is the capital city and the least metropolitan thing you can imagine. This place has exactly zero traffic lights; which means no little red blinking man will ever tell you what to do. Set your rice-lovin', mountain-climbing, jaywalking spirit free.

OTP Tip: Are those penises with swirly balls painted everywhere? Why, yes! In honor of a lama known as the “Divine Madman”, big ol’ boners appear on the sides of houses all over Bhutan. Here, people are all about having some orgasms to find enlightenment. Amen!

MALMO, SWEDEN

MOST BARE-CHESTED

Ditch the rich bitch Stockholmers and poke around Malmo, Sweden's industrial center and party-ready university town. Full of cool architecture and crazy sculptures, Malmo is just a hop across a newly-constructed bridge from Coppenhagen (if you want to make it a two-fer). Leave your titty covers at home because Malmo's got a strict topless policy: if you can swim in it, you're free to let the ladies flop about. At the Rribersborgs open-air bath, skinny dipping is the norm. Cannonball with caution.

TAMAN NEGARA, MALAYSIA

BUILT LIKE THE AMAZON!

Malaysia's national park, Taman Negara is less picnics and hammocks and more Amazon and rope bridges. Mentally prepare for the wilderness by taking the scenic two hour boat ride in from Kuala Tembling Jetty. Pack some bug spray and go wild on the endless hikes, some of which will lead you through fields of glowing mushrooms, and caves inhabited by sleeping elephants. A truly old ass park, Taman Negara had about 130 million years to develop into a skinny dipping, jungle-swinging good time.

CALI, COLOMBIA

SPORTY SPICE-IEST

The host city of the World Games this summer, Cali will be buzzing with pre and post game excitement all year. These may not be the Olympics, but combining an international sporting event with a city already high on futbol will definitely give you something to scream about. Make sure your rhythm is on point pre-departure as Cali is the salsa dancing capital of the world and bringing your two-step to the table will look awkward, especially with your three left feet.

TASMANIA

WILDEST

Cut off from Australia by the Bass Strait, most of the island is comprised of World Heritage sites, forests, vineyards, and open land untouched by industrialization. Here, you can bike for miles without hitting a traffic jam, swim freely in the empty Southern Pacific and hop around unique rock formations until you break an ankle. Tasmania used to be a jail for outback outlaws when the Brits were around. Now, it proudly floats as a mecca of wildlife, housing some of the world's rarest species, including the real life version of that little devil from your childhood.

TAMPERE, FINLAND

ALL AROUND

If you've ever flown Ryan Air, you know that a dirt cheap flight will drop you off light-years away from your intended destination. Tampere is Ryan Air's hub in Finland and bumblefuck it ain't. Not only can you fly in for near nothing, but upon landing, the city offers you a giant rapid right in the middle of town, 200 lakes and ponds, all the blood sausage you can swallow, awesome year round festivals, an easy to hop centralized bar and club scene, all with an unpretentious backpacker/college student vibe. Helsinki can suck it; hostels in Tampere are much cheaper (average 20 Euros/night). In the summer, camping is the norm accommodation option and people here picnic so hard their dining room tables get dusty.

Now that Obama's back to taking care of business, you're free to leave your post and funnel your energies toward travel-related pursuits.

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