Forget pills - practice will help you....
Debby Herbenick, Ph.D."I'm a 25-year old guy who has been having sex since I was 17, and I've never been able to last more than a minute or two. It's really embarrassing. Do male enhancement pills work for this, or are they just for guys who want to be bigger? What can I do to last longer? Fifteen minutes would be ideal, but anything would be an improvement."
Forget male enhancement pills. I've never seen a shred of legitimate research in a scientific journal to suggest that they work to make a man's penis bigger or help him last longer. Not to mention that none of these pills, to my knowledge, is approved by the Food and Drug Administration. Who knows what you're even taking, let alone how it might interact with other medications you may be taking? It just doesn't seem safe.
There are more reasonable ways to do this. Try the stop-start technique: The next time you're masturbating, build your arousal just to the point of no return (when you'll come no matter what) then stop all stimulation. Let your arousal subside slightly, and then start again. Repeat several times and then finally “let” yourself go.
The idea is to become more in tune with bodily sensations that tell you what's happening, so you will know exactly when you're about to tip over into the Land of Orgasm. Eventually, many men find that they can use these skills to learn to last longer during intercourse. Some guys find that slowing down or momentarily stopping during intercourse can help them to last a few extra minutes — or a lot of extra minutes.
Desensitizing condoms also help some men last a few minutes longer, thanks to medically approved substances like benzocaine that slightly decrease penile sensation. Also helpful for many men is sex therapy — you can find a local therapist through the Society for Sex Therapy and Research (sstarnet.org).
As a last resort, some men ask their health-care provider about SSRI antidepressants, which have been found to help men last longer before ejaculating.
(You can learn more about mastering the time to ejaculation in one of my favorite books, “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld)
Anal Sex:
Although anal sex is sometimes a taboo topic, I believe it should be talked about more openly. How come? Because so many people are trying it! According to data from my research team's recent National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior – a survey of the sexual lives of Americans ages 14 to 94 – a total of 24 percent of men ages 20 to 24 and 45 percent of men ages 25 to 29 had performed anal sex, as had about 45 percent of men in their 30s. Rates for women were even more striking, with 40 percent of women ages 20 to 24 having tried anal sex at least once, 46 percent of women ages 25 to 29 and 40 percent of women in their 30s.
Granted, anal sex was infrequent. Far fewer people — closer to 1 in 5 — reported having anal sex in the past year. These are much higher numbers than researchers found in the early 1990s when the last nationally representative survey of Americans' sexual behavior was conducted.
Further, women's reports of sex events that included anal sex got high ratings of pleasure and orgasm. I haven't seen any good scientific evidence to suggest that the clitoris is particularly well stimulated during anal sex, but it doesn't have to be in order to be pleasurable. The anal opening is rich with nerves, which can make penetration (whether with a lubricated finger, toy or condom-covered penis) pleasurable. My advice? If you're considering this as an option, spend time learning before trying. And if you do try, make sure you can stick up for yourself, communicate about what you like, use lots and lots of water-based lubricant, go slowly and start out with something smaller like a finger.
Divorced. Want to date again.
Although anal sex is sometimes a taboo topic, I believe it should be talked about more openly. How come? Because so many people are trying it! According to data from my research team's recent National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior – a survey of the sexual lives of Americans ages 14 to 94 – a total of 24 percent of men ages 20 to 24 and 45 percent of men ages 25 to 29 had performed anal sex, as had about 45 percent of men in their 30s. Rates for women were even more striking, with 40 percent of women ages 20 to 24 having tried anal sex at least once, 46 percent of women ages 25 to 29 and 40 percent of women in their 30s.
Granted, anal sex was infrequent. Far fewer people — closer to 1 in 5 — reported having anal sex in the past year. These are much higher numbers than researchers found in the early 1990s when the last nationally representative survey of Americans' sexual behavior was conducted.
Further, women's reports of sex events that included anal sex got high ratings of pleasure and orgasm. I haven't seen any good scientific evidence to suggest that the clitoris is particularly well stimulated during anal sex, but it doesn't have to be in order to be pleasurable. The anal opening is rich with nerves, which can make penetration (whether with a lubricated finger, toy or condom-covered penis) pleasurable. My advice? If you're considering this as an option, spend time learning before trying. And if you do try, make sure you can stick up for yourself, communicate about what you like, use lots and lots of water-based lubricant, go slowly and start out with something smaller like a finger.
Divorced. Want to date again.
yes, you can ask your friends! You can say things like “I'm excited to be dating again but what the heck am I supposed to do down there? Should I get waxed? Should I shave?”
Asking them can mean asking what they think, not what their particular pubic hairstyles are — which could be too personal for some people. It's all about knowing your audience.
Speaking of knowing your audience, if you're not sure who you're going to be dating or meeting yet, a safe bet these days seems to be to have some hair but to keep it trimmed. The totally bare trend is way overstated in the media.
How do I know?
I conducted a study of more than 2,000 women, and most had at least some hair some of the time. College-aged women were the most likely to be frequently bare, but even they had hair a good deal of the time, or would remove some but not all of their hair. (Some even rock the “retrobush,” which means no shaving or waxing or other removal. Trimming, perhaps, but not removal.)
Once you're in a relationship again, you and your partner can talk about what you like in terms of hairstyles. Until then, decide what youlike — what helps you to feel sexy, beautiful or however else you want to feel.
Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., is a researcher/instructor at Indiana University. Send your questions to loveville@care2.com.
(source:.courier-journal.com/)
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