Ban wagon

Jug Suraiya ,  http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com
19 January 2012, 09:40 PM IST

5

Google and Facebook are only two of the many things the sarkar should gag.

To stop social networking sites like Google and Facebook from spreading 'objectionable matter' likely to 'promote hatred of minorities' — particularly of a minority called politicians — the government finally took the decision to ban not just all such sites but also ban email altogether, along with SMSs, mobile phones and other forms of electronic communication. But the problems of the sarkar were far from over:

Flunkey-in-Chief (bursting into Desh ka Neta's office): Sirji, those rascals were at it again! Spreading objectionable matter through the mail about your good self, Sirji.

Desh ka Neta: How could they be spreading objectionable matter about my good self through the mail when my good self has already banned email just so that no one can use it to spread objectionable matter about my good self?

F-i-C: Sirji, they weren't using email to spread objectionable matter about Sirji's good self. They were using snail mail to do so.

DKN: Snail mail? But didn't my good self indirectly ban snail mail by making snails — sorry, my good self meant postmen — obsolete and practically shutting down the entire postal system in the country years ago?

F-i-C: Your good self did indeed shut down your good self's postal system years ago, Sirji. But these nalayaks spreading objectionable material about your good self were using private sector courier services.

DKN: Private sector courier services? But hadn't my good self also shut down courier services — not to mention the whole of the private sector as well — along with shutting down the postal system?

F-i-C: I'm afraid not, Sirji. Banning courier services, along with the whole of the private sector as well, is one of the small things that has so far slipped your good self's good mind, Sirji.

DKN: Ah, well. We all make mistakes from time to time. No matter. Mistakes can always be rectified. Go and ban couriers, not to mention the whole of the private sector as well, immediately!

F-i-C: Begging your good self's good pardon, i have already done just that, Sirji. But they're still spreading objectionable matter about Sirji's good self. In fact, the more Sirji bans things, the more objectionable the matter being spread about Sirji becomes.

DKN: But if you've already banned couriers, not to mention the whole of the private sector, how are these badmashes spreading objectionable matter about my good self? What are they using?

F-i-C: Courier pigeons.

DKN: Ban pigeons!

F-i-C: Tried that, Sirji. Didn't work. They started using smoke signals.

DKN: Ban smoke!

F-i-C: Banned, Sirji. So they started using word of mouth.

DKN: Ban words! Ban mouths! Ban both!

F-i-C: Consider it done, Sirji. But they'll start using sign language. I'm told that, with a bit of practice, one can be very objectionable in sign language, Sirji.

DKN: Ban signs! Ban language! Ban fingers! And toes, too, while you're at it! What'll they use then to spread objectionable matter about my good self?

F-i-C: Mental telepathy, Sirji?

DKN: Ban mental! Ban telepathy! Tell you what, just ban the people! All the people. That'll stop the spreading of objectionable matter about my good self, because there'll be no one left to spread it to .

F-i-C: But Sirji, if your good self bans the people your good self also bans our desh. And if your good self bans the desh, what will your good self be neta of?

DKN: You mean to say...?

F-i-C: Exactly, Sirji. After your good self has banned everything, your good self will have banned himself. As they say: Sab ki ban bajao, phir apni ban baj jayegi.

jug.suraiya@timesgroup.com

http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/jugglebandhi/

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